you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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