She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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