I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You don't make any sense
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