I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize