You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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