Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
