Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Barsexuality is the new black.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Boobs speak an international language.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
