the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
