I feel great
I just peed on a car
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
