come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
