just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
