is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
