I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
