i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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