If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
