I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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