My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
