Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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