dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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