yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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