Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
