she looked like the before picture.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize