Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
