it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
