She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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