Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
