Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
