My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
