we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
