I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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