it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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