No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize