Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
