Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
