My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
