alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
worst night to have a conscience
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
