My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
