I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
