well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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