I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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