This is not my ceiling
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
