if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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