if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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