I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
