So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
