I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
