We won't sleep together?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
