dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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