I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize