So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
