i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
