this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize