I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
