wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
