i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
