My Higher Power is John Stamos
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize