Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
