So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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