If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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