what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
