T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
