if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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