You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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