I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
