Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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