turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
