Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
