The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
