But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
