you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
