Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
time to smoke my breakfast
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
