do herpes really smell.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
