His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
