Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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