great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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