I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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