You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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