i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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