When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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