Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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