Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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