Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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