is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize