I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
