Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
