we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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