Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
