I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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