He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
