Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
