what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
