why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
