I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He shit in the fireplace
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize