I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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