areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
