My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
