UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
