I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
