I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
