the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
