I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
