Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
