I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
