He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
