My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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