Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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