Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
