I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
