just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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