You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
