I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
