I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
