38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
