Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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