Cold hands, warm shart.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
