Sry I called you an 8
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize