guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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