i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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